dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize