I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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