You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Someone shattered a urinal.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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