How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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