Already got asked if we're dating
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize