Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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