we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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