The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize