I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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