I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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