im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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