I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize