doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize