I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize