Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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