WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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