Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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