I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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