we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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