Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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