I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize