Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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