I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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