My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize