dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize