'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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