i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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