So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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