i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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