I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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