If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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