I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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