Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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