it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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