She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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