So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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