i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize