is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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