Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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