dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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