i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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