Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize