dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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