i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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