I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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