the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize