I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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