What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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