i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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