Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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