Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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